my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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