Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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