I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
