My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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