I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
