I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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