Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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