Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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