I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's shark week go big or go home
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
