you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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