She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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