i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
