Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
