real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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