I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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