Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Randomize
