so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
