Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
