It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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