I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The uberlube is also flammable
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
