we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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