True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
