I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
