What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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