Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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