You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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