drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
