Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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