I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Everclear isn't food dammit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
