hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
