the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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