Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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