I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The best revenge is premature balding
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
