If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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