why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
