Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
