And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
