If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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