Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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