can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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