don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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