If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
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