and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
