i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
