I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
