My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
