My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
