does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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