Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
