just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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